Virgin Fathers

Elton John used to make great music with famous songs like Your Song, I’m Still Standing and Candle in the Wind.

Recently he made one other big news with his gay marriage. As you can see from the news report attached, the religious fellas went nuts over such a despicable act and many of them must have asked ‘what had happened to the world?’ http://archive.gulfnews.com/world/United_Kingdom/10006639.html

Undivine and sinful he may be with his latest act but no one would accuse Elton John of plagiarism in his song-writings. For that he would likely be recorded in history as a great maker of original music, and, who knows, may be more…

Those with knowledge of some history of and open to the world of ‘great possibilities’ cannot be faulted for looking ahead and wondering what the future may bring if we are to mix with some conjectural liberty the histories of the likes of Elton John and the other bunch noted above.

If we can remember, history (if we are to believe it the way the other bunch do) had numerous cases of what they call ‘virgin birth’. Such great phenomena were usually associated with the birth of divine fellas - at a dime a dozen who cares how the rest of us come about?

According to history, the last great ‘virgin birth’ about 2,000 years ago as told by a particular bunch was likely a copy of similar acts from the likes of the Egyptians, Babylonians and Indians before them i.e. it was plagiarism of some old tales.

If we do some small exercise on mental extrapolation, we would also note that their particular storybook have other tales of special births.

In one case, they had a man created from clay and a woman created from a particular calcium-laden sub-part of that mudman (is that why there are so many mud heads among his descendents today?).

If they had known of the existence of Barbie dolls then, they would have the first woman made of plastics! That is not altogether more ridiculous considering that there is more carbon than calcium on Earth.

But to those old story tellers, there were no such things as carbon and calcium then. These things are recent inventions by later day story tellers of a different kind.

To be fair, old Babylonian tales also had similar stories of making first men out of clay – another plagiaristic act?

Considering that the acts (not the plagiaristic but creative ones) were supposed to be done by none other than the greatest entity in Nature, some of us may find them lacking in style – where got intelligent design? Even a mesopotamic potter could have spun that story - which was what probably happened.

Imagine this, no need for eggs, sperms and genes. Just pluck some clay from the ground and, voila, a man. Pluck a bone from that clay man and, voila, a woman. Much more divine than genetic theories?

Modern day scientists would be more impressed if these fellas can explain among many others how they converted silica into calcium i.e. make bones out of clay.

But these fellas have a ‘no questions asked’ policy since time immemorial – otherwise get burnt on stakes and nothing to do with the issue of not turning certain caps on. Because of that, man-kind missed the ‘scientific boat’ for more than 2,000 years (see below for reason why 2,000 years).

Oh, by the way, you know why the popes burn their enemies on stakes instead of nailing them to crosses? Unlike the relatively nicer Romans who allowed their enemies the dignity of retrieving their bodies for proper burial and the occasional lucky break of surviving the ordeal (in one case, some fools called it resurrection), the popes were less amenable to such niceties. They were more interested in making sure that whatever happens there is no chance of survival for their nemeses - unlike the lucky break the Roman's method gave to the popes' idol. They figured with brutal accuracy that surely nothing can turn ash back into man.

Of course, such creation stories applied only to humans who according to them were created in the image of the creators. (The other life-forms simply appeared very quickly over 1 or 2 days. No need for Darwinian-pace evolution. That's also the reason why they don't believe in isotope-dating, a technology too imprecise to tell differences in the order of days.)

Luckily, this finally included those in the Arctic, Africa, Americas and Asia (the A-Team?) who were only recently (in historical terms) declassified as sub-humans by their lead story tellers in Rome. That made some people so happy and explains why certain new brooms in Asia sweep so clean.

Since men are so much like the gods, we can also arguably conclude that man’s creators could also have been created likewise by their creators, and so on up the chain of divine command. There you have it, god creation made easy.

Surprisingly, after that early act the creators left the act of man and woman creation to some sinful act that even the popes were at times not suppose to emulate (at least officially if you believe them).

Which may also explain why their priests are so fond of boys which, of course, is very different from Elton John who is fond of men - the difference is Elton John has the guts to publicly declare his taste.

And the former do what they do surreptitiously perhaps because they were hoping to emulate the gods and re-discover the first act of woman creation before running out to the streets shouting 'eureka' like Archimedes? (for nothing else would make them look more god-like?)

More incredible still, for almost 2,000 years after their last great virgin birth other than knowing that ‘one man one woman a baby they make’ these fellas knew nuts about how babies came about – their divine capabilities not withstanding – until the likes of Schwann, Darwin, Mendel and Crick came up with ideas around cells, evolution, heredity, and DNA.

These latter day story tellers we call scientists really blew the bubble on the other bubble blowers who thought their 'man creation via pottery and virgins' model was so smart and neat.

In retaliation, the other bunch recently came up with the 'intelligent design' theory.

The Chinese term for such story telling is 'cui niu' or literally 'blowing the bull' in English (perhaps not so much coincidentally but prophetically, papal pronouncements used to be known as 'bulls'.)

But how they could not come up with such intelligent theories earlier especially when their son of god was sitting next to them no one knows – so easy, only need to ask the big boss 'pal'-ing next to them but don’t know what those apostles were mucking around with. But then, they were probably busy playing with clay dolls like those present day priests mentioned earlier.

But hah, there you have it. Elton John can arguably claim that he is not doing anything ungodly. For all you know, people like him may in the future re-discover the lost skill of man creation from his partner’s bones. The only thing is he will have to get a lot of help from science to replace the bones he takes out (with perhaps plastic ones) if he desires a large brood of girls. Or he can adopt the Way of another bunch and get four hus-wives.

Who are we to tell the gods what they want to do with this world? If they can change the rules of man and woman making a few times before, surely they can change it again. Remember, it went from man-making with clay and bones to don't know what, then to virgin birth and then don't know what.

Then Elton John may become famous for more than just his songs. Not for originality unless he stop insisting going via the backdoor, and borrows from Frank Sinatra and does it His Way.

We are of course not supposed to spread such stories out of respect for certain sensitive people that believe in those supposedly divine acts. Plagiarism included.

I, of course, would like to stake some claim for coming up with the idea of virgin fathers.

Don't laugh at me okay. It may get into some future story book and some fools may just believe it....