(A Lesson on Finding Directions from Mom)
When I was young I used to accompany my mom when she went visiting her friends or relatives in other parts of KL. That was in the 1970s when I was still in primary school. In those days, most people travelled by public buses and could not afford taxis. Even though those places that we used to go to were in fact not far in today's standards (probably not more than 10-15 kms), the trips were like excursions to me. That was because everything was new and looked big and far when you were young. It was also fun watching things go by.
Each visit could the whole day because we of the long wait time bus services (an hour or more at times), time lost looking for our destinations or retracing our way, and mom's tendency to 'maximise' return on time spent with friends/relatives because of the long time it took to go to/fro. And I would be real tired by the time we returned at night.
But it was the way mom went about finding her destinations that both bothered and impressed me.
Each 'excursion' starts way back when she ran into a friend or relative in town or somewhere where they ‘exchange' addresses which were not addresses the way we know it but long descriptives on how to get there! Mom and friends like most people back then were not educated and could not read or write English or Malay which were what Malaysian addresses and road signs are written in.
[Mom had only 1+ year of school when it was cut short by the Japanese occupation that lasted 3 years from 1942-45. Following Chinese tradition her brothers continued school but mom and her sister did not because of the hardship (most people were after wars) and because soon after the war her dad was struck by some disease that made him 'crazy' for a year or so before he recovered with the help of a Chinese traditional healer cum spiritual doctor known as 'mao san' doctor. It might have been some viral infection - a few years ago I read that one form of mosquito borne infection may cause mental disorders in humans. Mom had 1 sister and 5 brothers. When grandpa were down, the older sons quit school to work. Only 5th uncle studied up to form 5 (or had 12 years of schooling)]
So writing down addresses on paper the way we do today was not the way to do it but in the form of verbal instructions on how to get to the place and recorded only in memory.
The information exchanged/collected would include bus numbers, the fares, landmarks to watch out for, time distance between 2 landmarks, how many stops after a landmark before alighting etc. And then how to get from the stop to the house like how many right and left turns to make, what kind of path to follow (tarmac, sand path etc.), and what sort of housing landmarks to look out for etc. etc.
So you can imagine what those trips required: accuracy of recall and ability to match it to visual data passing by! That was why mom's formula was to use me as her 'spotter' while she tried to recall whatever she could.
Thus on those trips I'd be busy with the counting of stops and the spotting of landmarks etc. It could be quite costly to miss anything because that meant we would have to back track (not easy when you were on a public bus!). Mostly, we got the spotting work right (phew).
But it was not uncommon for us to stop strangers and people in shops or nearby houses to get their help with finding a place. That was done by running through the direction set mom recalled from memory or even to the extent of mentioning the name of the person and his/her family history in the hope that the other party would know them!
Whatever it took and why some trips took so long. But somehow, we usually managed to find our destinations. There were times when we weren't successful and returned home disappointed and tired but there was nevertheless a lesson learnt (like her memory or the instructions from the friend were not reliable).
And since most people did not have phones (not to say handphones) those days mom would have to wait for the next opportunity to bump into the friend again before she could sort the directions out in another long conversation where new details (or updates) will be obtained. And then we would go try again.
When I got older and found out that there were things known as road signs, that approach really bothered me and wondered why mom did not get the address of the place. At least, then we quote the address when asking around for help. But then remembered that both her and the other party could not write English or Malay.
In addition, written addresses were not much help when you were travelling on public buses where most other passengers also could not read and only know 'addresses' the same way as mom!
But the one 'trick' that mom had that I learnt was her motto that one should never be afraid or shy to ask for directions or help. She used to remind me of that time and again whenever I was home for holidays while studying in Singapore. And one must always do so with good manners and appreciation for the help received.
It was not difficult for me to find opportunities to try out that approach. Singapore was new to me. And after school, there were many work related overseas trips and assignments all round the world. And it is amazing how effective that was! Not withstanding my knowing how to read, having a city map, written addresses and a handphone, I swear that nothing beats that simple approach in getting to a destination quick. Absolutely almost no turning back if you can spot a friendly, helpful stranger on the street!
Nowadays, the first thing I do when I get off a bus, taxi, train or plane (whatever) is to go straight to a friendly policeman/woman, information counter or helpful looking stranger for directions. And I can always find someone (of any colour or race) who would be willing to help. The simple steps to follow are:
1. spot someone you think is a local that is familiar with a place.
Policemen, family groups with children/women and shopkeepers (in that order of preference) are good choices. They are also 'safer' because by asking them for directions you also reveal that you are new to the place which is a potential invitation for trouble.
2. approach with a smile and a greeting (in local language preferred, which is why it is important to try to pick up some simple local words as fast as one can), and ask for assistance but make sure to read the body language to gauge if the person is sure of his/her directions.
3. always express thanks in a genuine manner. For me, it includes lifting up my hand and giving a small wave like in saying good-bye. I find that most people will respond in like manner.
4. In case you detect uncertainty in the the person’s response, repeat the whole process again with another person to double check. But never do that when the first person is still around or can see what you are doing (not nice). Always walk some distance away (in the direction offered by the first person, of course) so that you are out of sight before approaching the next person for help.
At home, I remind myself that there may be some stranger out there who is trying to find his or her way around and would offer to help without being asked. Another lesson my mom taught me - always be willing to help others.
[Nowadays, finding new places are a lot easier with people having their own car, handphone, map and even GPS receiver, and could afford taxis. With help of modern technology and money, they could omove around without direct help from others (they are still using others - those that produced those devices). As result, people in places like Singapore become aloof and do not find the need to interact with strangers or even neighbours which is very unhealthy]
"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." - Chinese Proverb
