According to the report attached, the American Patriot Act drafted under the auspices of no other than my pet idiot George Bush Jr., will allow them to try and spot terrorists by checking out the reading habits of patrons of libraries and book stores.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-patriot16jun16,0,1882486.story?track=tottext
Now, let’s see how my pet idiot and his American patriots will do that:
1. Spot people that read only the Korans.
Reason: all the ‘terrorists’ that whacked them and whom they whacked since time immemorial were mostly muslims. What do you mean they already have the book, and non-muslims also read them? Then look at only those that read them 5 times a day (phew, that counts Chinamen like me out!)
2. Spot those with turbans and beards.
Reason: Osama and the Talibans had those things on. What do you mean so do the Sikhs? Who are these Sikhs anyway? What do you mean you cannot detect such things? Can't we detect those with ‘habit’ of tweaking their turbans or beards while reading? If not, can’t surely our system smell them out...
3. Look out for those reading about Middle East and Arabia.
Reason: didn’t Osama and his gang come from that part of town? What do you mean you get a ton of white, black and yellow people too? Just color them ‘red’ for suspects.
4. Pick out those that read books on bomb-making.
Reason: they got bombed in Iraq and elsewhere where they went to whack others. What do you mean they already know how to make them?
5. Finger readers that read books on nuclear reactors.
Reason: all countries in idiot Bush’s Axis of Evil are or were trying to build nuclear reactors and thus nuclear bombs which Bush claim they want to use on his people. What do you mean the French, Russian, Ukrainian, South African, Brazilian, Chinese, Pakistanis, and Koreans were already selling them? Tell these fellas to stop doing that! Why cannot? What is this ‘free world’ crap? Ain’t we the sole super-power? What do you mean the Russians said ‘my foot’? Well then, tell Khodorovsky and those Russian Jews to help – they owe us one for helping whack those bloody Arabs don’t they? What do you mean the Russians already fingered them using their own version of Patriot Act? And they did that without having to watch their libraries and bookshops? Bloody brilliant fellas those Russians!
6. Get those fellas reading about sales and purchase agreements.
Reason: see previous point. What do you mean you will find a billion Chinamen and another billion Indian fellas? If they do that, then they are ‘potentials’ – who cares if they count for one third of the world.
7. Suss out those that read about airplanes and how to fly.
Reason: those bastards rained planes on us! What do you mean our flying schools taught them? Well then, suss out people with the same reading habits as those in those flying schools then.
8. Find readers that read about people whose names starts with C, H, O, M.
Reason: many people with name starting with those letters like Che Guevara, Chin Peng, Ho Chi Minh, Osama, Mandela, Mao were all terrorists (shit, this Chinama may get tagged). What do you mean Nehru was also a terrorist? OK, OK include N too. If need be include the whole damn alphabet. (ha, this Chinaman get to have more company)
9. Include people that read about all those terrorists.
Reason: birds of the same feather flock together. I don't care if they are chickens or not. Finger them too.
10. Identify readers that read about architecture esp. American architecture.
Reason: they seemed to like to bomb buildings esp. American ones. How do I know why they seem to have a liking for American architectures?
11. Short list those that read all the above in American libraries and bookshops.
Reason: they bombed us in America didn’t they? OK, there are also libraries elsewhere? No problem, see next idea.
12. Wire all the libraries and bookshops in the world to Bush’s office.
Reason: see previous point. What do you mean cannot? Just get the whole world to monitor their libraries and bookshops for us. Globalise the whole damn thing. What do you mean the Germans, French, Brazilians, Africans, Chinese, and Indians don't want anything to do with this? Isn’t this global terrorism anyway? Ask them if they are with us or not. If not, call them ‘old world’ and threaten to whack the hell out of them. What do you mean they are already old? Anyway, if we get enough fools out there doing this we may even make tons of money selling them our spot-the-terrorist-thru-their-reading-habits system!
13. Pay attention to German, French and Malaysian libraries and bookshops. (darn, this Chinaman is in real trouble)
Reason: Osama’s gang made stopovers in those places on their way to Bush-land before Sept 11. What do you mean these fellas kept quiet the last time, and there is no reason to believe they won’t do the same even if they spot them in their libraries and book shops?
14. Setup the tracking system in madrasahs all round the world
Reason: same as 1. What do you mean it costs money to do that? Go rob some rich Arab like Saddam! Tell them to set it up – tell them big brother wants it (aren’t we the big brother?) If they don’t know how, teach them! What do you mean that would make them smarter and more dangerous? Zap them then! Too far away in Indonesia? Get our deputy sheriffs to do the dirty job - call those bloody Australians. And, what do you mean if we, the British and Australians can get to all the madrasahs in the world, you would not need this bloody system? You trying to be funny or what? What about those that does not read anything? Surely they do? If not how can they get to hate us so much? No problem, see next trick.
15. Tweak the system to detect muslim Arabs with turbans and beards who don’t read anything except the Koran 5 times a day.
Reason: see all above. What do you mean they are in every corner of the world? In that case, put this system into every cochroach on the earth and get them to sniff these fellas out! We know how to GM these insects don’t we? How the hell do I know how? I Bush Jr only understood one book in my entire life and that didn't need much brain. What do you mean the cochcroaches cannot tell them from us because the books look so similar? Can't we get the insects to sort out their 'messenger' from ours? What do you mean even if you guys can do all those things the list would still be half a billion long? If you guys really have no faith in this thing, see my ultimate trick.
16. Spot them by faith.
Reason: I, George Bush Jr do things that way. Trust me, my “America’s Pastor” Billy Graham told me god elected me as US president to do great things for the world. What do you mean by if that’s the case why don’t I and Billy just get the Big Boss to give me the damn list or better still zap all those terrorists from up on high? No problem, in fact whatever list you patriots generate is going to be vetted by none other than Big Billy himself. You see, Big Billy had gone through ‘hundreds of crusades’ and with his inspired help all our presidents had never failed to identify who to whack – the muslims. Except that since there are so many of those fellas, we now want to be more targeted which is why me Big Bully need this Patriot Act and the system above. You know what I mean?
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